Lazy Lady

Woke up today at 3pm,i always seem to be battling with the 7 deadly sins and since i left my culinary course last month it seems to be laziness.I had invested so much heart and soul into it that its completely wiped me out,i cant seem to motivate myself anymore,everything seems too much.I really felt that i could do it but as usual the universe conspired against me and now im officially unemployed,i felt so proud to say 'im a apprentice chef' now i have to say 'unemployed',im right back at square one.a place im ever so familiar with.i just want to get a job and be a productive member of society.I'm not getting any younger and it feels scary not to have any job security,and i can barely afford to make ends meet.Last night i dreamt i was travailing a steep ravine,with a swift moving river running through it,i kept getting swept(or jumping) into the water,i was trying to make it to a holiday spot on the other side..i think it was telling me i get swept up into my feelings or something..i woke up just in time for 'gossip girl' now my life revolves around whats on the TV..when will my life begin,i always get thrown off course.